Mom arranges surprise visit to estranged and pregnant 21-year-old daughter, rages when she refuses to pick her up from the airport: 'I didn't invite her and didn't want her there'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Feb 25, 2025 4:00 PM EST

In an ideal world, everybody would have parents who supported them in having the best upbringing possible. However, the existence of humanity has proven that is often not the case. There are countless individuals out there who seem eager to prove just how unworthy they are of the titles 'mom' and 'dad', and it is their kids who pay the price for that. It's a big part of the reason that therapists make so much money.

As a result, it is little wonder that many adult children decide to distance themselves from their parents as they gain their independence, although in some cases, this doesn't stop them from trying to re-enter the lives of their kids. Momentous life events can prove to be especially vulnerable times for this, and it can cause further complications in situations that are already far from simple. Taking no for an answer can prove to be something that estranged parents find difficult. 

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  • One young mom-to-be had the misfortune of dealing with this when her semi-estranged mom tried to spring a surprise trip on her when she found out that she was pregnant. Due to the way that her parents had treated her and her siblings, the 21-year-old had moved to live with her grandma at 14, then moved across the country to college, where she met her husband. 

    While during this time, she resumed some contact with her mom, they still weren't close and she was horrified that she thought it appropriate to travel to stay with her with no warning. She refused to pick her up from the airport, and her mom and siblings criticized her for not being more hospitable.

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  • 03

    AITA for not letting my mom stay in my house after she flew 4 hours to see me?

    I (21F) and my mother (54F) have a very strained relationship. I grew up being Mormon in the south and she let my dad ab e my siblings and I. I ended up moving out when I was 14 to live with my grandmother and I went no contact with my mom. When I went to college, I went very far west and drove about 30 hours to get to said college. Around that time my mom started to contact me.
    via October_County
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    I did stay in contact with her because as I got older I realized that she too was hurt by my dad, but she was still with him. I continued to be wary and never actually visited because I had my own life. When I got married, I didn't invite my mom, only a few of my brothers. She didn't seem to mind that much and so I let her more into my life.
    via October_County
  • 05
    My husband (22M) and I are having a baby soon. I ended up telling my mom this over the phone and she congratulated me. A few weeks went by and she was obsessed with the idea of me being a mom. It was weird, she kept bringing up my old religion and how this was going to "connect" us. A few weeks ago my mom texted me to pick her up from the airport and then she called me in a rage when I told her no. She asked me where she expects her to stay and I said not my place because I didn't invite her and
    via October_County
  • 06
    Not long after I start getting texts from my sisters who are bashing me for building up a relationship with my mom only to manipulate her. I feel bad because maybe it did seem like I wanted her around but that was never my intention. I just wanted to be at peace in our relationship, I didn't care if it was still not the greatest. So AITA for not wanting her around? TL;DR I had a strained relationship with my mom, until I went off to college far away. We got a little closer just over text and cal
    via October_County
  • 07

    Outsiders agreed that her mom was unequivocally in the wrong.

    edebby NTA. I don't see here any pattern of "manipulation" as your sisters put. This is a very plain and simple story: you started to build a very long distance relationship with your mom, after years of disconnection. Your mom however felt like you are now "closer" because you let her know you are pregnant, that is also where you realized that your mom has intentions to "bring you closer to god". You mom then booked a flight without even asking or discussing what she's about to do with you, and
    via edebby
  • 08
    This is totally delusional behavior, I'm sorry. No matter how close your sisters assume you got with your mom, meeting her after so long, would definitely be in a neutral location, if it would even happen at all. You are not an AH, and the only AH in this story are both your sisters who responded without knowing a shred of the story apparently, and you mom of course, who thinks everything is forgiven and she won a clean slate just because you told her about your baby in the phone, where she had
    via edebby
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    October_County OP About the last part, thank you :) I know a lot of people who are too scared to leave their religion. I thought I wouldn't, but there's so many people out there who have done it and help
    via October_County
  • 10
    perpetuallyxhausted I do see a pattern of manipulation but it's not being done by OP. The only people who show up unannounced with suddenly no place to go are people who are trying to manipulate you into letting them closer than you want them to be.
    via perpetuallyxhausted
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    apothekryptic This. Flying in unannounced without any prior discussion, without planning, and without any precedence of being welcomed into OP's home, is manipulative af. So is having the whole family heavily guilt OP for her hard NO.
    via apothekryptic
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    No-Throat-8885 She just showed up at the airport? NTA. She can absolutely just show up if she organises transport and accommodation and then ask to see you, at which point it's your call. But even with family it would be unusual to fly in and expect someone to come get you and give you a bed without notice.
    via No-Throat-8885
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    fdar Yeah, it's insane. If you are flying somewhere with the intention to see someone you let them know in advance and ask them if that's OK with them. Like even if the relationship is great and they want to see you those dates might just be bad for some reason, or they might have a bunch of hard-to-move plans by the time you get there. They might even be out of town, and then what? And that's without even expecting to stay with them or pick you up from the airport which makes it 10 times more r
    via fdar
  • 14
    blueavole think this will be a good lesson for your sisters: your boundaries are firm and they don't budge due to manipulation or social pressure. Make sure they know you neither invited your mom nor knew about her trip. Showing up unannounced because 'we're family' is not an excuse. Also that you are not interested in coming back to their religion. If they whine after that consider blocking them. Nta. And good luck with your baby!!
    via blueavole
  • 15
    October_County OP The weird thing about it is 1 of my 4 sisters that was upset about it isnt even religious Also thank you!
    via October_County
  • 16
    loricomments That's because they aren't hearing the story you told us, they're hearing a story you probably wouldn't recognize as being about the same event.
    via loricomments
  • 17
    Watching Telly Now NTA. She tried to blindside you by turning up unannounced and uninvited. This is all on her. It wasn't you trying to manipulate anyone, so ignore any of that kind of accusation, and well done on having a shiny spine and not allowing her to push you around. I suggest you think about reducing the contact you have with the, sounds like she'd probably try something similar again, and will keep up with the god stuff too. Congratulations on your new baby, go and enjoy your life with
    via WatchingTellyNow
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    GForcePi NTA, it's entirely up to you whom you want to be around. If you don't like your mom being around it's okay. I think she shouldn't have come unannounced. Maybe she thought that between her and you, things are getting normal, that's why she suddenly showed up at the airport. Tell her your situation and mindset that you want to be with your own family. I hope she understands that.
    via GForcePi
  • 19
    No_Philosopher_1870 NTA. When you invite yourself, only a fool expects hospitality. She is hoping to push all of your old buttons ad bring you back under her thumb. Don't do it. You deserve better.
    via No_Philosopher_1870
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    ArrivalBoth6519 NTA Even if I was on really good terms with someone I would be furious if they lived far away and just invited themselves over with no warning.
    via ArrivalBoth6519
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    Monalot-a NTA That's very weird she just showed up uninvited. I don't think you did anything wrong.
    via Monalot-a
  • 22
    mumtaz2004 NTA. Texting with someone in no way translates to "buy a plane ticket and come stay at my place unannounced!". If that were the case, I'd have strangers from the grocery store, drs office, library, a few charities, a handful of restaurants etc hopping a plane to come stay with me. Your mom has some strange ideas. I'm not sure if she's just an odd duck or if they stem from the unusual lifestyle she has been leading but she might want to get a taste of the outside world before she start
    via mumtaz2004
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    Shot-Artist5013 NTA. I'm on good terms with my family, they all live out of state, and I would never accommodate them randomly showing up unannounced like that. (Barring a downright emergency, of course. But even then there would be a phone call...)
    via Shot-Artist5013
  • 24
    Tiny-Relative8415 NTA and it sounds like your mom was the one building the relationship up in her head. I would never fly across country without making sure it was ok first. She overstepped. I feel your mom has been so mentally abused, that she may create fantasies in her head to try to have some normality in her life.
    via Tiny-Relative8415
  • 25
    Key-Dragonfly937 NTA. You didn't invite her, and she made the assumption that she could just show up and stay with you without asking. That's not how boundaries work. It sounds like you were trying to maintain a civil relationship, not a close one, and she misinterpreted that. Your mom showing up unannounced and trying to force a connection isn't on you. You have every right to protect your space and peace, especially with a baby on the way.
    via Key-Dragonfly937

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aita religion surprise husband mormons argument family pregnant trip reddit thread estranged daughter no contact Reddit mom
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